|Mark, one of Leroy's Raiders, about 1975.|
Thursday, February 27, 2014
I received news of friend’s death this morning. This happens to be an old high school friend who fought the battle with throat cancer for several years. Several months ago his doctor told him his throat cancer was back and not to expect to live longer than about a month. Mark posted the news on Facebook then proceeded to fight gallantly. Mark was a free spirit. He valued his friends, family and just grabbed life to the fullest. He inspired everyone with his wit and wonderful outlook. I’m sure he tweaked halos and wings as the angels welcomed him home this morning. I hope to follow his wonderful example of living life with gusto till the very end. He personified this poem by Hunter S. Thompson:
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
I can’t say rest in peace because I believe he is not resting but continues to live in heaven! Till we meet again, Mark!
Friday, February 14, 2014
Happy Valentine's Day!
A friend of mine shared this on Facebook today. I want to credit the proper author here on this post so I've edited the post to include the author of this lovely sentiment.
While I don't consistently participate in this day, I am a fan of it. I'm a fan of love, because without it, without the promise of it, without the feeling of it, what is there? Being "In Love" though, well that's the deal ain't it. Kisses are different, hugs mean more and the intimacy with that person that makes you transcend the physical? It's just magical is all. That one person can take you to the stars or be the rock you smash yourself against. You know what, either way, worth it. Passion is a wonderful thing, but love.....love is everything. I don't mind what I've lost, it was less than what I gained and tomorrow is a new day. Who knows what's going to happen on that day. Happy Valetines Day to you!
"Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured." Leo Tolstoy
The one thing I do know, don't let this be the one day out of the year that they know how special they are to you. You never know which kiss will be the last one.
Have a beautiful Valentine's day! go hug your loved ones!
Not a pleasant topic but one that is on my mind since I’m working through the grief process and have been the last couple months. My ex-husband, Pat, passed away unexpectedly the week before thanksgiving. Now while grieving for an ex-spouse might sound weird, it has been and continues to be painful and confusing. My hubby, Steve, has been a bit bothered by this sudden outpouring of grief for a man who has not been in my life for a long, long time; however, Pat and I shared a life, dreams, and children.
The actual grief came in spurts before I realized that even as an ex-wife, I had to process the stages of grief. I went to the funeral to support my son. The funeral was just the beginning of the process. I had not even seen my ex-husband since our grandson had passed 5 years ago. But sitting in front of his urn is an eye-opening; heart wrenching awakening to lots of emotions that I thought were long buried. So many things unsaid that should have been said to provide both of us closure.
Stages of grief defined by ElisabethKubler Ross are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I don’t want to get into a basic psychology class here but each of these stages are necessary to go through successfully the grief process. How one goes through the process and the order of the various stages are as individual as the person experiencing the grief. The grieving process is unique to each person depending on his/her personality, circumstances, and emotional state, but grieving is a necessary process.
The other side of the coin to this dilemma is that I remarried 11 years ago to a wonderful man who I love to pieces! Our marriage has seen lots of great times as well as hard times. Divorce is so common in our society today that this situation is becoming more common as we, the baby boomers, are reaching the age where death is dealt with more often. Current spouses are being called on to be supportive and loving while their partner grieves for a lost ex-spouse. Lots of questions arise that I nor my sweet hubby can answer:
1. Is there marriage in heaven?
2. If we are married, who will we be married to since we have both been married before?
3. Do you love me as much as you obviously loved him/her?
4. Is our marriage going to survive this loss?
5. How long will you grieve for him/her?
This process is both confusing and unfortunately so necessary. There is no set deadline on grief for anyone we lose to death. Each person experiences emotions differently than another so grief is a personal thing that can’t have a set time of duration. Be good to yourself and your current spouse!
When we marry we give a part of ourselves to that spouse that is left with that spouse when divorce occurs. There were shared dreams, children, experiences that might have been happy, sad, angry, etc., but they are shared and can never be part of another marriage. Truly when we marry, part of our heart is filled with that other person. Perhaps that is what is meant by becoming “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). I could go down so many rabbit holes on this train of thought but won’t today. It’s enough to know that grief of an ex-spouse is normal even if life with that person was no longer possible. Feelings and emotions are not controllable but our reactions to them are. Allow the grief and process all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Then follow Mary’s example while she watched Jesus grow into a man; treasure all the good memories and ponder them in your heart (Luke 2:19). While your ex-spouse is your past, and you have history with him/her; remember your current spouse is your present and your future. Go create history with him/her!
For your reading pleasure:
Religion Quotes. http://www.religionquotes.info/religious-quotes/cure-for-grief/
The death of an ex-spouse raises wrenching questions. The Globe and Mail.
When An Ex-Spouse Dies. Heartache to Healing: Compassionate Grief Support to Heal Your Heart and Soul. HeartHhttp://heartachetohealing.com/when-an-ex-spouse-dies/
Lose of Ex Husband. Legacy Connect. http://www.connect.legacy.com/group/bereavedspouses/forum/topics/lose-of-ex-husband
What's Sex Got to Do with It? True Woman.
Grief.com: Because Love Never Dies. (2014). The Five Stages of Grief. Retrieved from http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
Meyers, R. E-Sword Bible Software. (2008) New International Version. http://www.e-sword.net
Thursday, February 06, 2014
2014 is now in full swing! This post isn't about resolutions or goals but really an introduction of myself to the world. While I don't feel I can or even should reveal everything detail about my life, I do feel that part of growing in this life is being open. Sharing my life experiences has two-fold benefits:
1. Sharing my experience may help someone out there who is just beginning a similar experience to get through said experience without the same mistakes.
2. Sharing my experience helps to sort it out in my mind and heart so that it is compartmentalized in proper perspective. Experience is meant to teach and strengthen us, not harm us.
That being said, I tend to be a perfectionist and try to plan my blog so that it is very appealing to any and everyone who reads it. I’ve realized that this perfectionism is causing too much procrastination. My perfectionism keeps me from trying lots of various creative outlets because I might fail! The creativity might not be up to everyone’s standards. Well, know what? I will fail if that is my bar for success! I cannot jump high enough to clear that bar! Someone is not going to be pleased.
So…. Here is my goal for this blog. No more just planned out articles that are months apart. As things come to mind whether I have one thought or paragraph or 10 pages, I’ll just throw it up on the blog. If one posts isn’t to anyone’s liking maybe someone will love the next one.
Till next time, probably later today since something else is already has a finger on my spirit!
With a happy heart (most of the time),
Leigh Anne the Queen of Hysteria