A more serious side of the Queen of Hysteria…..

Hi, all unknown readers!
I honestly have no idea if anyone out there is reading my blog, but I’ve decided to share a few of my writings from classes in my undergraduate and more currently, my graduate work. Some will find these essays totally boring, some will find them thought provoking, but it’s my hope it will help hone my witness skills as well.

Yesterday was Steve’s (my dear hubby) birthday. Poor guy had to work all day so his staff could have much deserved time off so I had him a cheese cake with birthday candles waiting on him when he got home. Happy Birthday, baby!

My house projects have been on hold lately but I’ve come to the realization that the procrastination of completing my sort & toss organization and spring cleaning of our home is not only depressing and stifling but it is paralyzing as well. So even if it is only 30 minutes every day, one task will be worked on towards the completion of our home being turned into our refuge.

I’ll continue to write about daily life as well, but since I have deeper thoughts I want to introduce a more serious side to my blog as well. So without further adieu’, here’s the first devotion that I wrote in Worship Studies during undergrad.

this devotional was written May, 2009, shortly before Payton's birthday.

Love Lifted Me

“Smile… it increases your face value!” This is especially true when we as Christians are down in the mud pit. March 1 of last year, our family lost our youngest member to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). The name is very appropriate since nine-month old Payton went to bed after a fun night of play with Daddy and his big sister, Madison. Our family members have been left with large holes in our hearts and a lot of “Whys?”
We will never have the answer to the question “Why?” I have spent a number of nights since Payton’s death, walking the floor, crying to God and asking “Why?” “I was worn out calling for help; my throat is parched.

“My eyes fail, looking for my God” (Psalms 69:3). As the days grew into weeks, and now the weeks are growing into months, God has been working on my heart. My grief is so very deep over this dear little grandson, but my thirst for God has overcome the anger I had over losing such a sweet grandchild.
I sat in Wednesday Bible study for the first time in 2 months since Payton’s death; my heart closed and my spirit wounded. That Sunday, I felt God’s hand on my heart. The rip in it was mending. I was able to sing the praise and worship songs, hear the message and hold God’s word close to my heart.

When we are struggling in the pit of despair, it is so important to draw near to the Lord. When we are in the deepest mire of the pit, we should praise God and be thankful for all He has done for us! Paul prayed and sang hymns to God in prison. Prison was not as comfortable as it is now in Paul’s day. Even in the depths of a Roman prison, Paul was able to sing praises and worship God. This wonderful open spirit brought a prison guard and his family to salvation (Acts 16: 25-30).

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2Co 1:3). God is a God of tenderness, mercy, and comfort. He is a God “who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2Co 1:4). He will give us comfort so that we can heal, and go forward to be better witnesses for Him and to comfort those in pain and despair greater than ourselves.

As I sat listening to the music in church Sunday night, I knew I was worn out with grief, anger, and despair. As our young minister of music led the congregation through various songs, until he got to “Love Lifted Me” I was able to keep my heart and my feet still. I was determined not to show any emotion, just get through the service, which was my goal.

1. I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,

Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,

But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry,

From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.

o Refrain:

Love lifted me!

Love lifted me!

When nothing else could help,

Love lifted me!

2. All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling,

In His blessed presence live, ever His praises sing,

Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul’s best songs,

Faithful, loving service, too, to Him belongs.

o Refrain:

Love lifted me!

Love lifted me!

When nothing else could help,

Love lifted me!

3. Souls in danger look above, Jesus completely saves,

He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.

He’s the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,

He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.

o Refrain:

Love lifted me!

Love lifted me!

When nothing else could help,

Love lifted me!

Before the chorus the first time, I was on my feet, feeling the grief, anger and hardness melting. When you are deep in the mire of the pit of despair, when you are in pain and distress, God is there. “…Praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving” (Psalms 69:30).